little prufrocks

There’s something with self-proclaimed pseudo intellects. Illustrations always help, so here you go. Think of yourself when you were small...you did a sketch, putting so much effort into it then flaunted it (the Freudian superego hasn’t grown all that much then, and a pea-sized superego never gives you much trouble), expecting everyone to appreciate it as much as you did. So there you were, waiting with bated breath, watching them looking it critically, some disapprovingly. You watched as their brows moved up and down, getting very impatient, and you blurted out: "It’s ugly, isn’t it?"
Off course you didn’t mean it, you knew it wasn’t ugly. You said it because you wanted people to tell you how brilliant it was, and to do it fast while appearing humble at the same time (reversed psychology?).
That’s the thing with self-proclaimed pseudo intellects too (of which lot, with a little apprehension, I could say I’m a part of). They declare horrifying things about themselves to the public, expecting, probably knowing, that people are going to think, even tell them the reverse, again feeding their egos (which are already inflated). Then you have these little universes arising, and everything happens because of you, or has to do with you, or pulls you along as a victim. Little Prufrocks. Right.

Questions you might want to ask yourself:

- Do you constantly check the thesaurus while writing?

- Do you bother to sound smart or knowledgeable at all times?

- Do you ask questions, and in trying to come up with answers, finding yourself coming back to the questions, then force yourself to come up with fake, made-up answers to allow yourself the consolation that you understand the questions?


- Do you refer to yourself in third person? (this is dangerous. simple as that.)

- Do you feel like nobody understands you when you have conversations with people, and cannot concede to the possibility of you not making sense, then blaming it on people’s ‘lack of understanding’ instead?

All right. Go and contemplate.


PS: I just found out that my neighbour's dog's name is Barbie. It puts me off.