My second Mangalacharan class today. sort of enjoyed it, but I was nervous. Well, I think I was. Suddenly it was hard to concentrate and I couldn't pick up the steps as fast as (I'm sure) I could have. My teacher remarked that I look 'lost'. Maybe I was.
The happiest I have been in, say, the last six months was my three days in Sharada's house. I told her that and I remember her chuckling. Why, she asked, it's a very pedestrian life!
Pedestrian, perhaps. But I loved it so much - listening to her pleasantly incessant flow of stories and thoughts, chopping carrots and beans, flipping chappatis. Home.
Getting to know people is work; staying affectionate is work; relationship, for the most part, is work. Is it possible to block out emotions, attachments, and expectations completely? Pain seems to result from these, and if we can block them out -
But of course we must be prepared to live without hope, without thrusts of delight.
When was the last time I felt happy? Really happy - completely without apprehension or worry of any kind?