the silver lining....

allow me to get a bit melancholic...

I really like a girl in college...very funny, brilliant, someone I like talking to, and doesn't seem to have any bad thoughts about anyone (I don't even know such people exist). Problem is...I'm a bit too apprehensive to make my move (to talk). She hangs around with another girl who reserves, and always will, the bottom position in my list.

It's funny...people actually think I've changed a lot from my first months...which is really not true. I just grew a bit more comfortable and go a bit crazy and silly with people, which is not me most of the time. Have earned friends, off course. (Does 'earn' ever sound so bad?) Wonderful people. And I'm glad they're not anywhere as bad as I had feared. But it's true that there's no one to talk to (no offense intended to those who take pains to stay close to me when I get extremely unbearable, and who jump and try their super best to help at every single whimper of mine), and it does feel strangely lonely at times. Is it the thing with everyone, or am I just not busy enough?

Our department is blessed with quite a number of capable, imaginative, creative lecturers.
One invited me home and gave (still does) me all the time I need. In the last two visits, I didn't feel like speaking...which is funny because I went for the need to speak, and having someone listening. We ended up sitting, smiling at each other, talking about college and academics which made me completely uncomfortable, with her asking me questions that I found quite silly and confusing to answer. Her house, however, has grown to be the place I think of whenever I feel the urge to run away coming back (the strongest urge happened when I actually ran away a good seven years back, which didn't happen in India and deserves another chapter). It's a relaxing place...and always makes me a bit ok.
The other one helps me with writing and my bouts of insanity...-:)
At one point we communicated through papers...me with my 'stories', she with her comments. My best months yet.
The last one is the one I feel I have lost. She drilled me with gut to step into the library, the canteen, and to go gallivanting around town. A delightful person, really.
Sometimes you wonder why people insist so much on helping you out - especially when you don't think there's anything they can get out of it -

My great circle of friends...funny people, a bit perverted at times (which means they're still humans, thank God), strong...trying desperately to see the brighter side of life and squint, if they have to, to see the funny side of things (aka the 'silver lining'). Something that I'm still opposed to, even today, because sometimes there isn't any...
Roo thinks I'm a pooh-bear with two horns...*giggle*...

The workshop for those interested in the college play starts tomorrow...should I join? Should I not join?