I miss something so much right now, but I don't know what.
I don't know what happens. I want to be able to call someone and cry - just cry, not having to explain why, or to say anything at all. I don't know what I expect people to do.
I don't understand.
I like being alone but it frightens me too. I don't know what I'm doing, and why. Why?
I like being happy...surrounded with friends, laughing and just being together. But sometimes it doesn't make sense.
You can be happy with yourself only when you can be proud of yourself. And I'm trying so hard. I want to be proud of myelf so that I don't need to depend on people to make me happy. People change, and I can't trust myself in their hands.
Then it hits me: I'm going to end up being an old lady with a bent back, with nobody to look after me, polishing my trophies day after day. I just hope I have enough trophies to vary my routine.
I'm not good at relationships. I've ruined every single one of them; I don't know how many more it'll take for me to start on my notes (and refer to it for future relationships).