I hate being worried sick about people I care about. I’d rather things happen to me sometimes, because it’s painful to see them happening to other people, without me not being able to do anything substantial. But then the things are sometimes unimaginably terrible, and I just don’t think I have enough gut to bear them if they were to happen to me. I don’t think I’ll handle them well.

I need somebody stable because my life is not. I am not. I have difficulty with control. My relationships, I think, have always been one-way. Me on the side that takes. The giving part I can’t really contribute to, because there is never a need for it. I look, and almost always end up with stable people, who are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves and even have an extra for me. On this then, I think I am egotistical. And that has to change.

I think it's lovely to be bubbly, bouncy and excitable. I guess I don't have the knack for it.